weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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