how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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