Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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