i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
