Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
