I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
