When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
