Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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