I accidentally had phone sex last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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