you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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