Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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