he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
