I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
