Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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