you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
