who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
