Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I need to stop coming to work sober
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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