i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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