Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
