thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
