just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
