she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Shame - the story of my life.
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