When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
