Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."