WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out