She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.