DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend