Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
