how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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