hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize