life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
