No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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