she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
