i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
