There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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