I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
