My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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