K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
