We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
