I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
