From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
