So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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