It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
