oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have aggressive nipples.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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