You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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