He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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