Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
