as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
