Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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