i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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