No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
