being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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