We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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