im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
