i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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