Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
