My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
