Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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