I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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