I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think i peed on brittanys purse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
