WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
