She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
