fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
