lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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