Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
